Kansas Wrestling Forums General Discussion Kids Folkstyle ... too close to the situation!

How many parents, that coach their own kids, would be willing to make the same admission, as Coach Ed did in a recent post? “I knew that I was too close to the situation.”

Coach Ed, whom I have a great deal of respect for, removes himself when it comes to coaching his own children matside. Is it because he is not certified, qualified or lacking knowledge of strategy and technique? Does he let others coach his child because he doesn’t care?

Clearly, I believe the answer is, NO, he doesn’t coach, because he CARES TOO MUCH! Ed is a tremendous technician and does his coaching, in the practice room. Removing yourself when your kid is wrestling is tough, but might be the best for all concerned.

As we all know, wrestling is a sport that thrives on emotion. Wrestling has been described as a war, a battle, a combat or the ultimate competition. Some coaches, myself included, have a difficult time NOT becoming emotionally involved, when an athlete you have had a varying degree of influence in, is in that battle.

Perhaps coaches, and for that matter, wrestlers should not put so much emotion into their wrestling, but that is a topic for another discussion. However, emotionally charged coaches, have a tough task, when that wrestler is their own child. Especially when their child does not match the competitive level that is desired by the parent/coach.

Coach Ed obviously cares a great deal about his wrestlers. Recognizing how “emotionally involved” he would be is a lesson that others might need to learn.

I have been thinking this one over and decided to finally chime in! I too coach, and yes my son is one of our clubs better youth wrestlers. I find myself way harder on him then I am on his teammates, and I also find myself much quicker to critique his efforts than that of his peers (he rarely loses!) That being said, there is a fine line between parenting and coaching and it is very difficult not to let them become equals. Today, my son was a bit sluggish and wrestled subpar, losing by 1 in the finals to a kid who he should have and has beaten handily in the past...as a coach, I was frustrated at his efforts, as a dad, I was dissapointed because I know how bad he felt! I often suggest that one of our other coaches coach his matches but to him that means I don't believe in him. I explained that I would be his biggest "cheer-leader" in the stands, but he says that he only wants me to coach. Often I find myself getting way too involved in his matches and it is very difficult to not push too hard. As with all parents, I just want my son to be happy, and if he kicks some tail along the way, then great! BUT, today for the first time, I think having "dad" in his corner may have been more detrimental than helpful. I guess what this novel boils down to is that parents coaching thier kids can be a wonderful thing, but the reality of over-doing it, cannot be ignored!

here's another from the past!

I have been reading this thread with interest since last year. I am not sure there is an either/or answer. I think it is more based on individual relationships and personalities of parent/coach and child.

I offer my own experience as I coach my son and the rest of the team. For me the struggle comes in the practice room not on tournament days. That struggle comes because as a parent I know when my kid isn't working up to their potential and I know to motivate sometimes I need to be more directive in nature (ie, more of a parent) than I will as a coach of someone else's child. At a certain point I was going to go into the stands and be a parent or focus on coaching other team members so it wouldn't hurt my relationship with my son or make him not like wrestling....well was I wrong on that idea.....when I tried to do that my son didn't want that. So what I find myself doing now is trying to look at him more through my coaches eyes rather than a parents eyes. The good news is that we were able to work through this and it really helped us to work with each other and communicate. I feel our father/son and coach/wrestler relationships are better because of it. I find myself explaining to him why I am pushing him or getting on him more than I have in the past. This helps him understand my perspective. I have also started working more on getting his perspective. This has helped me to teach him about some of the bigger life lessons that you get out of wrestling.

The bottomline is that you can't forget the love and praise part. That's what keeps them all coming back!

I told myself i wouldn't do this...well here goes. I really think it depends on the the relationship between the wrestler and the parent/coach. Some parent/coach relationshiop with the wrestler goes like this. You win your amazing and everything is great...you lose you wreck your entire family, Dad/coach yells at me at the top of his lungs, i tried my guts out and all i get is a shrug or "you should of worked harder", and on and on. On the other hand, some parent/coaches love the wrestler no matter what. win or lose you get a hug and a high five and told that you are an awesome wrestler no matter what.
guess it would really depend if coaching your kid was right if you were qualified to be a parent first.

there is a fine line of course but I think that you have to remember no matter what he is your son and you want him to think the best of you.

Give praise and push him or her to be their best. If you keep thing positive and a loving learning relationship that is best for all involved.

So next time that boy/girl gets beat say- holy cow bells batman that kids was good today- you will have another chance so keep working hard. You are almost there