Rick: Thank you for your years of service to Kansas athletes.
Will: I agree with dwelsh; it's not like they're going to give you the job! :-)
April 1, 2011
For Immediate Release
WILL COKELY TO ASSUME DUTIES OF ASSISTANT EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
The KSHSAA announces that it has hired Will Cokely to assume the duties of Assistant Executive Director of the Kansas State High School Activities Association. Mr. Cokely is replacing Rick Bowden who served in the same position for 18 years and Mr. Cokely will start his job immediately. He will be responsible for administering football, softball, baseball, wrestling, and track. Mr. Cokely has been involved in Kansas athletics for a number of years, mostly through his children and the Kansas “talk forums.”
In his press briefing today, Mr. Cokely announced that Kansas would no longer tolerate the “pussification of high school athletics” and believed that Kansas had turned the pages of history back and would once again be known as “Bloody Kansas.” The KSHSAA new motto is “Death with Honor.”
“Sports are derived from combat,” said Cokely in his statement, “combat means blood, we know that. Where is the blood in high school sports, the mayhem? Sure, you see a bloody nose or lip, but that’s just not enough for real men, where is the gore?” Under Mr. Cokely skin checks are no longer required and knives, so long as the blade is no longer than 2 inches, will be classified as “special equipment” for varsity wrestling starting in 2011-12.
In a separate release, Cokely announced that girls’ athletic programs would no longer be sanctioned by the state of Kansas but that additional programs would be added for “home ec and sewing classes, you know, things girls are good at” he said.
Mr. Cokely announced that a number of officials would be put to death, humanely, during the next several weeks, mostly by a “sleeper hold” that Mr. Cokely has perfected. Weeding out those with inferior officiating genetics will be a primary focus of the new administration. Mr. Cokely intends to personally wrestle with each official to determine that official’s qualifications.
Mr. Cokely said he is looking forward to the coming year and hopes that coaches, officials, and student-athletes will embrace the new philosophy which, he said, “will rival the greatest spectacles put on in the Roman Coliseum, now that was wrestling!”
