I too am very confused by, and frustrated with, this issue. I am working with my forth and youngest son, at 13 years old, and adults seem to be getting younger not wiser.
A. The kid did need to be disciplined.
B. I want to believe the coach had good intentions...but he went about it all wrong.
C. Glad you didn't run out...cause then you may have reinforced the same bad lesson. You restraint shows more maturity on your part.
Oh yes, I think there is cause for alarm. I have also experienced similar dramas in kids wrestling and football. Even in my own son's wrestling club. Those experiences have made me even more committed to the kids, but very cautious as well...
After coaching football (Grades 1-6) for five years, I've learned that wrestling is no worse than others. That said, it is a very scary trend that we are witnessing.
Too many adults are involved for the wrong reasons, or with unabashed ignorance. We are seeing more of these incidents esculate. We need to all speak more about these bad influences that are disquised as guidance.
However, I warn, step firmly, but cautiosly. Be ready for drama when you act.
Coaching football, it took me a while, but eventually I began to voice my distain for poor coaching by my peers. And when I did, it caused some real subversive drama.
One day, I was told by a screaming head coach to get off the field if I could not support his decisions on his team. Which I did, calmly and politely, in front of gasping parents and kids.
Nearly all of the kids and parents later apologized for the way I was treated "for voicing their concerns". YET, only a couple parents acted by taking it back to the coaches. The air is still thick, after two years.
...thus, I am more selective of my battles.
A. The coach needed to express his disappointment, not his anger.
B. Coaching is more about exemplary guidance than dominant control, especially with kids. The sport has to be for the kid-athlete, not the adult or coach.
C. To calm the situation and leverage your skills, you might have stepped in and expressed your appreciation for the coach trying to correct the situation. Then took your sons hand and offered it out, while sharing your thoughts about good sportmanship and behaving in a way that would be disappointing to his mom.
What your son experienced, though unsettling, was probably a blessing in disguise. He won't soon forget and he's seen what not to do. Plus, kids are resilient and now he can appreciate real coaching, having seen the "less-than-appropriate".
I'm just glad there are some really great coaches, and a lot of good coaches, out there. I try to find them for my son, and I'm committed to supporting them even through the tough times.
