Why Mr. Shamus, I have absolutely nothing against you. I have no problem admitting that my first name is Plin, for I was named after me old gramps.
I also have no problem losing to Ben in the Mr. MHS pageant, for he was my beloved doubles partner for three years. (I'm sure by now all of you are quite familiar with my tennis prowess...) But you are mistaken on one thing--I was 2nd runner up, not runner up. And the race in physics class was a complete fluke. I was winning for the first 35 yards, then he strapped on his jet pack and pulled into the lead in the last 15 feet. I am confident that when we met again, the outcome will be quite different.
As I said, I have nothing against you. HOWEVER, I do think you may need to seek help. It's obvious that you have a very intense man-crush that if unattended to will reach Potter-like levels. I wish you all the best in defeating your terrible sickness.
And tell Courtney I said hello. She's a peach.
